The "Scarlett O'Hara" Litmus Test

Just some dating advice.

I’ve basically sworn off all hope for future romantic endeavors. For one, my health just won’t allow it, and two, I’m way too gullible and easy to con or trick. Most of my analysis ability kicks in after the fact. I’m bad at planning and decent at generalities. My hindsight skills might be close to 20-20 but my active vision is more like 5-28. This is why I know about scams so well, because knowing is half the battle. When you’re certain to lose one battle, focus on what battles you can win.

That’s why I don’t gamble. You can’t lose what you never put in the pot.

Of course, lack of risk also often means lack of success. Which is fine, because I’m resolved to a simple, boring life. The excitement of other people’s lives is satisfying enough for me, so the fate of a counsel hermit fits me well enough.

Therefore, in lieu of me being able to use my own experience to further mine own purposes, let me share some of my madman’s insight with you for you or your kin’s various romantic endeavors.

Let me present the “Scarlett O'Hara Litmus Test.”

Have a girl, or guy, watch Gone With the Wind in full. Works better for women, though. If the gal thinks Scarlett did nothing wrong, despite doing everything wrong when it came to how she treated men, then avoid her at all costs. This is a brief but ever-prescient synopsis of what Scarlett did wrong:

• She played with the emotions of many suitors for months just for attention.

• She married Charles the simp to make Ashley jealous when she learned he married another gal.

• She cried her simp hubby got bipped in war, only because she had to wear black mourning clothes.

• She schmoozed with Rhett at a fancy party, while in mourning attire, thinking she could manipulate him.

• She fails to convince Ashley to run off with her and abandon his wife and newborn child.

• She fails to bag Rhett when she was desperate for money, and he sees through her schemes.

• She successfully dupes her younger sister's fiance Frank into marrying her, all for his lumber-mill money.

• She goads Frank into getting into a gang fight after being accosted by ruffians and he gets bipped.

• She marries Rhett almost immediately after Frank's funeral, likely to once again avoid wearing mourning clothes.

• She, while married to Rhett, still pines after and meets with Ashley which is the cause of rumors spreading, effecting Rhett’s ego.

• She swears off more children because of how her first pregnancy hurt her figure and refuses to share a bed with Rhett, who has in the past been shown to have a healthy sexual appetite. That, and the rumors of her meeting with Ashley results in him forcing himself on her to stroke his pride. Despite that being problematic, she stays with him.

• She argues with Rhett regularly, eventually neglecting to attend to their daughter and she is summarily thrown from a horse and dies.

• She STILL tries again for Ashley’s affections after his wife passes after a miscarriage, but it was only then she realized she only wanted Ashley because she couldn’t have him.

• Rhett then leaves her, only for her to finally realize Rhett was the love of her life all along and the only one who loved her despite knowing who/what she was.

Scarlett treated Rhett like garbage, going after other men in pursuit of Ashley and money, girl-bossing and keeping anyone from getting close enough to love her, sabotaging other marriages, even her sister's, tricking and manipulating people by exploiting their sympathy, and in the end she's somehow the hero? If anyone thinks Rhett and Scarlett should get back together, because “they need a happy ending” they have a perverse way of looking at relationships, and I further suspect are incapable of real love and empathy themselves. They operate on impulse and for things to end like a fairy tale with a happy ribbon and a longing kiss scene. Real life doesn’t always pan out the way you want, unfortunately. Often you don’t even get to see how a story ends. You just hear the words “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” and it’s over. Gone with the wind, as it were…

Scarlett is a psychopath, and should not be emulated. That's the moral of the story -- a cautionary tale of just how horrible women can treat men and still be seen as a victim or even a hero. Just because they’re pretty? Just because they’re a woman?

Nope, because we all want that happy ending… We want redemption. We want repentance. That’s not a bad thing, but what we think we want isn’t always what’s best.

Should Rhett forgive her? Yeah, and I think he does in his own way.

Should Scarlett be forgiven? If she is truly sorry, yeah.

Should they get back together? Hell NO!

Scarlett should be alone, in black mourning attire, as fate had put before her over and over again. It’s often hard to admit you’re the problem, but it’s even harder to admit that a limb once severed can’t grow back. The “limb” she lost was the connection to a loving husband and family. She lost it in war as soon as her first husband, Charles, who she likely doesn’t even remember the name of, died at war all so she could make Ashley jealous…

It’s a potent tale about the nature of women, jealousy, and relationships.

At the very least, you can use it as a guide on what antics to avoid. One of those various acts listed above will very often lead to further acceleration in this type of behavior. Each one is a huge “red flag” on their own. Together, they bring unmitigated ruin. Maybe not financial, but certainly spiritual.

It applies to the men as well as women. Rhett was reformed by the end of it all, learning the value of dignity and being an honest man, but it was too late to salvage his faith in women, especially Scarlett.

Honestly, Melanie and Ashley were the best of them. Tragedy struck Ashley relentlessly, temptation reared its head over and over again, but he never gave in. Melanie fought just as Scarlett had, but never sabotaged her grace despite not having nearly as much strength. She made up for it with heart and compassion. Together, they stayed loyal, stoic, and ultimately retained their dignity even when they had to start from scratch.

At least Scarlett recognized she actually loved the chase, never the man, but only after it was too late to matter anymore…

People like that seldom get any better at hiding their psychotic alter egos, so like water damage or a glacier, expect only 10% to be visible at first. It gets worse the longer you ignore it. Avoid getting close to people like Scarlett. Lend to them without expecting it paid back. Sternly but tenderly reply “No” when they force their fantasies upon you. Only they can bring themselves back from the brink, upon that rain-slick precipice. You can show them the door, but they must walk through it. Usually, that comes when they’d already lost everything anyways.

Offer forgiveness. Offer redemption. Offer repentance. Never offer to trade places. Never make their sins your own. You can’t fix what doesn’t want to be fixed.

Some people yearn to stay broken, and it’s hard to admit they’re better for it…

…

As a footnote, I’d like to apologize for not posting much this last month. As a bit of transparency, my arm and spine nerves are shot all to hell. The same health issues I’ve been dealing with last winter have cropped back up. Everything from my hand to my spine is either pinched or degrading rapidly. I thought it could be my gall bladder, but it never is that simple, is it?

At least now I have a good idea of what’s causing it, thank God. Too much computer use. Well, that and bad posture, but I can thank the narcolepsy for that bit.

Foraminal stenosis, carpel tunnel and cubital tunnel syndrome is the menu. Likely from the arm clicking and typing all day at work with little rest. My last articles, including this one, were largely half-written about 6 months ago when the pain temporarily subsided. I’ve only had enough energy in between the pain pills and work to finish one every week. Opioids and narcolepsy really sap all your motivation, I’ll tell ya what…

Prayers are appreciated! I didn’t think to mention it in its own post like last time because if it is like last time, it’ll go away with some continued physical therapy and bedrest. Expect a Long Comms on Poop coming in the next few days. Coming up with puns has delayed it coming out today, so this article is to hold you over.

Thanks for reading!